Bus Chronicles Vol. 2

Okay so on today’s episode of my bus chronicles I just wanted to talk about yesterday’s experience and the close call I had. Well let’s just start off by saying I’m wild regular when I eat and that’s apparently not the best of moves when riding public transportation.

Okay so I walk out of work and down to the Marta station and AS SOON as I got down there my stomach started doing the milly rock (for the older audience let’s go with the Whop) and I knew I was on borrowed time. So this starts and then the bus is like 10 minutes late so now the pressure is mounting.

So the bus finally comes and I board but as each highway mile marker passes my stomach is dancing and jigging more aggressively and I gotta start thinking of backup plans. So my first plan was to get off at the first stop and just have the wife drive a little further to pick me up. The 2nd backup plan was…..nah there wasn’t no more backup plan, it was do or die, sink or swim, 1st or 2nd. So luckily my stomach reaches a calm and I’m able to hold on until the stop RIGHT before mine and then all hell broke loose.

As the bus began driving down the road to the next stop and my final destination things were moving at a frantic pace in my intestines and I knew I wouldn’t be able to make it home under the current conditions. I also worried about letting it fly before I got off the bus and THAT would have been the worst. So I texted my wife like “look when you scoop me, we gotta run to McDonald’s right quick cause the struggle is real”. So she picks me up and I’m like we GOTTA MOVE and she was like “okay let’s hit the gas station at the corner, it’s easier to pull into as opposed to trying to cross traffic” and I knew at that point that asking her to be my wife was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.

So we get to the gas station, I dart out the car on some 4.24 in the 40 type speed and I head to the bathroom. Now it’s a rinky dink gas station, you know one of those joints where it looks like the key is gonna be on an old hubcap and they have a slot machine in the corner by the incense. I get to the bathroom door and what do I see….”The Bathroom Is Not For Public Use & It’s Out Of Order Anyways”….and…..WHAT!!!! So now I gotta waddle out the gas station cause you know the closer you get to the bathroom the more your body begins to prepare for the release but not today bowels.

So I come shimmying out the gas station, my wife in the car and she sees that things didn’t go according to plan BUT by the grace of the almighty there was a Caribbean restaurant like 2 stores down so I threw caution to the wind and penguin walked all the way there as to not drop any early dismissals. I walk in, greet the patrons and employees, get a whiff of some fantastic smelling curry chicken (or goat) and make my way to the bathroom. Walk in, lock the entire HELL out of the door and get to the toilet and as soon as I debriefed and began to sit down…..CRISIS AVERTED!!! The movement was so good I contemplated taking off one of my dress shoes for comfort.

So moral of the story, don’t…..make sure….welp, I can’t think of anything profound to say to this. A close call is a close call and sometimes they can’t be avoided so best thing I can tell you is work on your ab muscles or something so you can hold it in until you reach a safe destination….✌🏽


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