Figured I would get back to doing my old school joints again and today I am going with this classic joint from Salt N Pepa. This beat was so ill, best song from them to me.
Figured I would get back to doing my old school joints again and today I am going with this classic joint from Salt N Pepa. This beat was so ill, best song from them to me.
It hasn’t been easy….that honestly was the best way I could title this and best means to describe my life for the past month or so. I’m not totally in the space that I want to be in internally but one thing that has helped me throughout my many years in this earth is to write when I’m in need of release, it has always been a form of therapy for me. This is a little long but just bear with me, I have to get this off.
Many things have transpired recently, majority family related, so I’ve needed my time to just deal with those things. When I hit these moments I find myself short of words, not wanting to talk so I just won’t because I’ve always been of the mindset that if I don’t have any thing worth saying it’s best to stay quiet and to myself. Not that I would have been negative but when I’m not right I can be different and I didn’t want to be that to anyone that knows me to be the opposite.
It started with work and a few projects that I was working on at my job, in my new position…well not new because I have been there for almost a year but new in the scope of things I’m learning and doing. The tasks were stressing me out, I was making a few mistakes here and there so it was stressing me because I don’t like messing up or making mistakes. Just felt like I couldn’t do anything right, like I was letting my boss, who truly believes in me, down…so it was tough for a few weeks.
Funny thing was my boss was laughing at me when I told her how I was feeling after it was all said and done and she was like “a mistake is nothing more than another opportunity for knowledge…I sometimes hold you unfairly accountable like I do the rest of the team and its because you are extremely good at everything you do, I tend to forget that you are new but I am very happy with my selection for you on our staff and don’t get discouraged because you are on your way, believe me”. So her reassurance helped a lot.
In all of that, family things arose. I had known for some time that my Aunt wasn’t doing too well health-wise after speaking with my father on a few occasions and based on everything I was told I knew we were on borrowed time. From dealing with my Uncle Jeff’s bout with cancer a few years ago and with life experience I sort of am able to now accept that life has its plans and for whatever reason sometimes that involves saying goodbye to ones we love so dearly, so I mentally began to prepare myself for the day I got a call saying she was gone.
Of course I went through the normal emotions, “why her, why take someone that is so loved by everyone she comes in contact with?”….”why take my Aunt away from her kids, siblings, family, friends, why not take a murderer or someone who doesn’t deserve this life we live?”. But then I had to chill because it’s not my place to ask those questions, but in all of this I started to sink more and more. Then as life tends to do, it began to snowball because I find out that another Uncle, the one I call my personal Uncle Phil cause we have a relationship very similar to he and Will’s from the Fresh Prince was in the hospital and they didn’t know what was wrong. They know now what the problem was/is but it changes so much for him and my cousin now as more health precautions have to be set forward to avoid it happening again.
So that knocked me down for real because it just felt like “come on, I mean what’s next!”. And then the next happened as my aunt passed away a few days later. From the moment my father told me I have been stuck in neutral, haven’t felt like being social, haven’t been myself all the way around and just became numb. Even when you try to prepare yourself you never can when you lose a loved one, the pain is there regardless, and it’s a pain that is magnified by how I love those around me. What I mean by that is I tend to hurt more for those that it’s affects in my life as opposed to myself, I always feel like I am alright and ill be fine I just need to grieve but to know my loved ones are in pain just further crushes me.
My Aunt’s kids, their pain, the pain of my father and my other Aunt who through the years now have had to bury their mother and younger brother and now their sister, my siblings, cousins, my family in California whom everyone has recently had the chance to connect with to further strengthen the family bonds and relationships and countless others my Aunt touched while she was here, are where my head and heart are currently. I mean I got a message from one of my friends that I went to elementary school with that used to babysit my little cousin for my Aunt, offering her condolences. So again my mind and heart are and have been with others through all of this. I hate when people I love are hurting and that causes me more grief and pain than anything.
This is not a generic thing when I say this, not just the cliche statement but my Aunt truly was a beautifully amazing woman. She brought and provided so much strength to our family and always have. She was an AMAZING mother to my cousins and a wonderful sister to my father and aunts, and it goes without saying that she was a fantastic Aunt to me and my siblings/cousins always. She didn’t play no games about her loved ones either, wildly protective and you just always knew she had your back no matter what. She didn’t need to know why you were fighting she just gonna join in and throw them hands. She was the Aunt that’s gonna give it to you straight, no chaser but going to hug you, love you and kiss anything that was wrong away. She was accepting of everyone, she was the glue. Everyone’s family has a few glue people and she was one of ours. One thing that always stuck out to me was everytime I spoke with her all she would ever do is talk about my wife and kids, tell me how much she loves them, how beautiful my family is and how proud of me she was…and I mean like EVERY time I spoke with her. I carry and take all my memories of her with a huge smile and will always be sure to keep her memory alive just as I do with all those that impact my life. I will pass the stories down to my kids, show them pictures of her, pics of them with her and they will always know they had a Great-Aunt that loved them tremendously.
Also in the midst of all of this the anniversaries of the passing of my Uncle Jeff (5 years) and my Uncle Bill (1 year) were on back to back days in the first week of this month so my emotions were a bit, well all over the place. So adding all of these things together I truly needed time to just be to myself. I thought about both of my Uncle’s children, my Aunt Patsy (Uncle Bill’s wife) and everyone else and what they were possibly going through or feeling.
So this hiatus wasn’t just about me, it was about being in a place where I didn’t feel like I could help anyone, didn’t feel like I could offer any words of comfort that would be effective, I wanted to be available if my loved ones needed me just as I still am whenever they are ready or need some words. I preach “balance” a lot when I speak to people and my balance was way off and still off just slightly but I know writing and expressing myself has helped me in the past so I wanted to do that instead of being in solitude. I also want to take a second out to thank my wife for her support and to my entire family for their understanding and love as we were dealing with such a major loss. I appreciate everyone that checked up on me, every single one of you and like I said when I initially mentioned about my Aunt’s passing, please…any energy that you want to send my way to lift me up out of a dark place please, PLEASE send that energy to my family, send the prayers to my family because when they are up… I am up…✌🏾
Figured I’d start hitting yall with some old school classics again like I used to, gotta keep the youngsters in the know of the music that was the soundtracks to the streets, cars, bedrooms, etc back in the day. So I might give yall some Hip-Hop, some R&B, slow jams, 80’s classics…whatever I was loving growing up so enjoy.
First up was this absolute CLASSIC, trust me when most people that remember this song read the title they starting singing the chorus or heard the bass line immediately in their heads. When I got this cassette single I played it religiously, I’m sure Momma Neo was tired of hearing it 😂
Yeah I’m with it! Really liked the first one so I’m excited to see what direction this one goes in but it looks good.
Big day today, it’s the day of the official worldwide release of Marvel’s “Avengers: Infinity War” and don’t worry there are no spoilers here…not going to see it until 1st thing tomorrow morning and I can’t wait. Going to see it with the wife and our oldest and I can’t wait. She has gotten into the Marvel movies just like us so we decided to bring her along for the ride. Our son ain’t that big on it YET but eventually we will get him on board.
But today has been a pretty good day, worked from home today and that was pretty productive which is surprising because I swore when I was told I’d be able to work from home that I wouldn’t get anything done but I actually work very diligently…while watching my court shows or Joe Budden’s Podcast of course lol
Best part of the day just happened though because I took 2 of my ladies, wife and oldest, out on a dinner date. Since she is going to the movies with us in the morning she is home with us tonight so I figured hey this is another great opportunity to show her some life lessons. I took her out to the movies on a date with just the 2 of us a few weeks ago to see “A Quiet Place” (great movie by the way) and I used that as a way to show her how a man should treat a woman on a date and did the same tonight.
I figured tonight she could see it in action and how I am with her mother from opening car & restaurant doors, how to order and how the man is supposed to let the woman (or women at the table) order 1st and even the waiter gave her a tip on that. Waiter told Nia “if a man doesn’t let you order your food first then when you do order get the most expensive thing on the menu” and we loved that advice lol But it was important for me for her to see us in a dating element and pick up on little things on what should be expected and how she should be treated. Life lessons with your kids require more than just scolding them or telling them or preaching to them over and over again, sometimes you have to put them into the scenarios so they can witness for themselves.
Be back tomorrow with my thoughts on Infinity War, yall have a good one….✌🏾
I was getting ready for my date with my 2 ladies (oldest daughter and the wife) and I’m in the bathroom shaping up the beard and this gem of a classic came on and I was like I gotta take everyone back with me. This was that joint right here and the video was greatness with Martin and Will. Bad Boys 1 and 2 are 2 of my all time favorite movies because they feature 2 of my all time favorite actors and people in general. Everyone knew when this dropped that I was going to lose my sh*t and I did, really hoping we get that part 3 as well.
*Martin at the 1:23 mark though LMAOOOOO 😂 🤣 😂 🤣 😂 🤣 *
Martin and Will in this video especially at the end was just EPIC!!! Enjoy and everyone have a great Infinity War weekend…im going in the morning ✌🏾
Today was a VERY interesting day to say the least. Went from a hectic yet productive day at work to almost having to go to the emergency room.
Okay so this morning as my wife is taking me to the bus stop I got this crazy pain in my lower back and just chalked it up to gas and nothing a well placed burp or fart couldn’t fix and it did. Burped a few times and I was back to normal but still decided to drive in to work JUST in case something was right cause you don’t want to be on the bus with stomach issues.
So then I get to work and I am covering for someone and I end up covering indirectly for a few others, not complaining because I never mind it was just a lot to do but I got everything done. One thing I had was a meeting with the big wigs I had to attend but I didn’t really want to so I get to the meeting and then one of the bosses comes in and tells me that she knows I probably have a ton of other stuff to do so I didn’t have to stay. She was absolutely right too because I did have a lot to take care of from a new employee on staff I was assisting to helping with the other analyst so again I was wild busy. And I am not really into meetings especially when I know my time could be being utilized in another capacity, so that all worked out for everyone cause their meeting still went on perfectly fine and I was able to help everyone else out that needed assistance.
BUT THEN….oh but then, that pain from early in the morning returned right as I was getting ready to leave work and it created one of the WORST afternoon/evenings of my entire life. I was in excruciating pain once I left the office and was on my way home, pain that was so bad I actually screamed I the car a few times. Was this a gas bubble or maybe it was my appendix, I had no clue but I texted my wife that “something is wrong” because I know my body and I know I wasn’t right. It reminded me of when I have had a stomach virus before and if you’ve never had on consider yourself blessed because, DAMN.
So driving home I had to stop at Wendy’s cause I was in so I figured alright maybe I just need to drop this duece and I’ll be back right again but in the words of the great Charlie Murphy…”Wrong, wrong”. So I stop to use the bathroom and nothing happens, no deposit, so back to whip I go to continue my trek home. I stop again a little further into the drive in a parking lot where I get out the car to walk around and stand up because I was so uncomfortable, contemplate laying down in the back seat…just anything to take the discomfort away, even passed an Urgent Care and considered going in but I just kept telling myself “I just want to get home to my babies, I just want to get home to my wife” so back on the road I go.
Now I’m getting closer to home and I almost throw up in the car, but nothing comes up just that gagging feeling and the mouth watering all that nonsense. I am sweating, shaking as if my nerves were bad, I could barely pick up my water bottle, I’m in the car taking the quickest of breathes because I can’t inhale/exhale properly due to the pressure. And after a bit more screaming out “WHAT IS GOING ON!”…”PLEASE MAKE THIS PAIN STOP!”….”I CAN’T MISS INFINITY WAR ON SATURDAY” I arrived at home and in worst shape that I had been in previously. I walk in and immediately go to my bedroom where the wife was and lay down on the floor, my oldest tries to come in to see me and tell me how her day was which the kids do everyday but my wife saw me in visible pain so she told them to give me a minute but I know my daughter had saw me and she was going to be worried because she is THAT kid.
So I’m laying there still in pain and describing everything to my wife and she’s looking up stuff and was also worried about appendicitis but my symptoms didn’t match fully and did fit more into just a gas bubble. But what was causing it, well I deducted that it was caused by sunflower seeds, yeah I know crazy right, I’m about to die cause of sunflower seeds lol but I had been eating them again recently and I had some the past 2 days, more importantly I had some earlier today and then what do you know, PAIN. And even though it’s not the best thing, I eat the shell so I think it was just a log jam on seed shells and was causing gas bubbles, not bubble, to form and it was all stuck in my intestine somewhere.
So back to the pain, it was bad, like REALLY bad, I told the wife I was sorry for all of the noise etc and I hope she didn’t think I was a sucka but ya boy was in pain pain. I had her walk on my back on the spot where it was hurting which helped, then she also was karate chopping my back like a messeause and it was helping but the pain kept coming back. She made me ginger tea, gave me gas-x pills, ibuprofen, everything she could to help get me right but it just kept coming back and the only relief I would have is laying face down on the floor. This went on for about an hour or so and then she said if you aren’t any better in an hour we are going to Urgent Care. She starts getting the kids and our devices charged, told them to stay ready in case we had to dip but thank the heavens it didn’t come to that.
I drink my ginger tea which was nasty as hell by the way, told her it tastes like cobwebs, not that I know what they taste like but still, and my. Ginger Ale because again thats the remedy for any stomach ails. Then I go lay down and it all subsides just enough that I could doze off and then when I woke up a bit later I was better and been fine since. So now sunflower seeds, well me eating the entire shell is off the table, can’t do it anymore, not if THAT’S a possible result. I got better and 1st thing I did was go see the kids in their rooms, my son was cool he wasn’t too pressed, babygirl was watching Doc McStuffins so not a damn was given anyways but my sweety, my big baby was worried she said, she even had a light tear in her eye when she was telling me how worried she was cause she never saw me like that. That’s what scared her the most that I’m normally calm and chill, deal with things in a mild mannered tone but not this. I assured her I was good and then I went in the kitchen and gave my wife the biggest hug because she really got me back right, not just from what she did but from her presence. I can’t thank her enough because I know she was worried as hell but she stayed calm and collected, well other than when she was hysterically laughing at me. She busted out laughing because she recommended I do jumping jacks to help the gas move and I tried and as I went to do the ONE jack I did my body was like “Bro what in the hell are you doing, sit yo dumb ass down” (Angry Man from Martin voice) and she thought it was the funniest thing cause my bones were cracking and I barely did the one 😂.
She is so scared to step on my back if I need her to crack it or something but she did it to help me with no hesitation. Everytime I needed something or asked for something she jumped right up to help me just as I would do for her. But again it wasn’t even just that, it was just that she was there. When I was driving home I said I just want to get home to her, I said that because I knew seeing her, getting her energy would get me right because that’s what love is. It’s not about waiting on someone, it’s not about what they can always do for you, at times it’s just about them being there and she was and I knew it. I knew once I saw her my body would react better, it would fight better, she is my strength. I don’t just say that to be cliche when I say that or when I’ve said it in the past I mean it. So this story started off wild but it’s ending about love because it’s the best medicine there is. I know this one was a little long but I HAD to tell you all about my day and thank my queen, thank my kids and also thank my boss for getting me out of a meeting lol….✌🏾
PS – don’t even try to clown me for the pain I was in either because gas trapped in your body can be a very painful thing. So before everyone starts calling me a punk or something to that effect just know I didn’t know WHAT it was, it could have been that my appendix ruptured and that could be fatal, so I was shook lol but gas bubbles in the wrong spots can be lethal dammit lol
5:42 AM – Hello all……I’m tired
3:39 PM – Didn’t have much to offer this morning and I’m still tired now and extremely frustrated. Just had one of those days, well afternoons…rough day at work and then I just seen that one of my homies lost his father and I hate for him. My mind just is everywhere right now and I can’t wait to get home to my wife and kids, my sanctuary.
9:09 PM – I have definitely had better days, a few things at work just drastically threw my day off. I just don’t have it in me today so I’ll try this life thing again tomorrow….✌🏾
I’m with them, NOT him (meaning Kanye), 100%…