Bus Chronicles Vol. 2

Okay so on today’s episode of my bus chronicles I just wanted to talk about yesterday’s experience and the close call I had. Well let’s just start off by saying I’m wild regular when I eat and that’s apparently not the best of moves when riding public transportation.

Okay so I walk out of work and down to the Marta station and AS SOON as I got down there my stomach started doing the milly rock (for the older audience let’s go with the Whop) and I knew I was on borrowed time. So this starts and then the bus is like 10 minutes late so now the pressure is mounting.

So the bus finally comes and I board but as each highway mile marker passes my stomach is dancing and jigging more aggressively and I gotta start thinking of backup plans. So my first plan was to get off at the first stop and just have the wife drive a little further to pick me up. The 2nd backup plan was…..nah there wasn’t no more backup plan, it was do or die, sink or swim, 1st or 2nd. So luckily my stomach reaches a calm and I’m able to hold on until the stop RIGHT before mine and then all hell broke loose.

As the bus began driving down the road to the next stop and my final destination things were moving at a frantic pace in my intestines and I knew I wouldn’t be able to make it home under the current conditions. I also worried about letting it fly before I got off the bus and THAT would have been the worst. So I texted my wife like “look when you scoop me, we gotta run to McDonald’s right quick cause the struggle is real”. So she picks me up and I’m like we GOTTA MOVE and she was like “okay let’s hit the gas station at the corner, it’s easier to pull into as opposed to trying to cross traffic” and I knew at that point that asking her to be my wife was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.

So we get to the gas station, I dart out the car on some 4.24 in the 40 type speed and I head to the bathroom. Now it’s a rinky dink gas station, you know one of those joints where it looks like the key is gonna be on an old hubcap and they have a slot machine in the corner by the incense. I get to the bathroom door and what do I see….”The Bathroom Is Not For Public Use & It’s Out Of Order Anyways”….and…..WHAT!!!! So now I gotta waddle out the gas station cause you know the closer you get to the bathroom the more your body begins to prepare for the release but not today bowels.

So I come shimmying out the gas station, my wife in the car and she sees that things didn’t go according to plan BUT by the grace of the almighty there was a Caribbean restaurant like 2 stores down so I threw caution to the wind and penguin walked all the way there as to not drop any early dismissals. I walk in, greet the patrons and employees, get a whiff of some fantastic smelling curry chicken (or goat) and make my way to the bathroom. Walk in, lock the entire HELL out of the door and get to the toilet and as soon as I debriefed and began to sit down…..CRISIS AVERTED!!! The movement was so good I contemplated taking off one of my dress shoes for comfort.

So moral of the story, don’t…..make sure….welp, I can’t think of anything profound to say to this. A close call is a close call and sometimes they can’t be avoided so best thing I can tell you is work on your ab muscles or something so you can hold it in until you reach a safe destination….✌🏽

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Bus Chronicles Vol. 1

Okay so since I’m riding the bus and I’m sure to either see or be a part of some stuff during my daily commutes I figured I’d chronicle some of the things I see.

Well today’s isn’t something funny or anything like that, just wanted to speak on something I noticed. Since I’m downtown Atlanta everyday now I get to see a lot of folks walking and I’m peeping that many men don’t realize the side of the sidewalk that they should be walking on when walking with a woman. For anyone not in the know, as a man…you should always walk on the outside or closest to the street. Might not be a major thing to some but it irritates me everytime I see it and I’ve seen it a lot over the past 2 weeks and that’s sad. It’s not just about the men not knowing but women seem to not know neither, either that or they just don’t care that much. So for today’s chronicle I just want to say be stronger in your role as a gentleman and ladies expect nothing less than that…✌🏽

Be There

So earlier I shared a post on Facebook that spoke about being there for people (see below):

“No matter what, you do what you have to do for family/friends…..well that’s just how I try to always live my life. You may not be able to do everything you want or can, may not be able to assist in every situation, but you try and you always build the foundation for those that you love to know you will always be there to support them in times of need. Those are the principles I was raised by on both sides of my family and I plan on carrying that until the day I die and passing it down to my children, niece, nephews, godsons etc”

The post was sparked from something I read someone mention on Facebook about their friends/family and how they can’t stand them etc. I’m sure we have all seen these posts a time or two before. Now I don’t know each situation so I’m not passing judgement, you could have valid reasons for how you feel about your’s but my post was just to speak on how I have always been, have been raised to be and will always be.

I will always do my very best to be there for people, sometimes that may not fit within THEIR criteria or time frames but it’s important for me to always get established with people that I am there and always do my best to be. Many people feel alone cause they expect folks to be there on their time only but we all have to realize that even the one that you seek help from has times they are already committed to and they may not be there in THAT particular moment of need but in most cases when they can they will be. So be there for those in need and always be understanding of someone else’s situation as well….✌🏽

“What’s A Good 1st Date To Take Her On?”

Got another question the other day that I figured let me go ahead and do a write up for my homie and give my young boy a few tips. His question to me was “Neo I met this fantastic young lady and I’m vibing with her so well and I asked her out, she said she is all for it but I don’t know where to take her or what to do…what’s a good 1st date to take her on?”

Well talk about a loaded question and by loaded I just mean it’s a first date so the possibilities are immense here. Okay the simple fact that you seem to be quite smitten by this young lady is great in itself and personally I wish more of us men would show that side and I’m sure women feel the same. Okay so to the date and suggestions for a first date, well it sounds like you don’t want to go conventional as you probably have many times in the past and thus ended up in this same spot. Well you 1st have take the proper time in getting to know this young lady. It sounds like you guys have been talking for a bit of time, enough to know a few of her likes/dislikes and her personality. So that’s a good base to start at because you don’t want to take her somewhere that she will be overwhelmed if she is a shy quiet/to herself type, and she may not be a drinker so a club or wine tasting may not be the best options there. Point I’m making here is try to cater the date to HER, to things she has expressed, mentioned etc.

Next it’s the first date, keep in mind she knows you enough to go on a date with you but she doesn’t KNOW YOU yet so comfort has to be the next important piece. I’m a fan of always doing things in open public settings the initial few times I begin dating someone because it allows other eyes to be on you thus removing some of the fear aspect from it cause a lot of people are creeps out here and women have to be careful. It’s like the convo on Twitter recently about women getting license plate and personal information about us men prior to the date to give to their peoples JUST in case you wanna act a monkey…I’m all for it so again comfort is important. Places like a park, museum, fair, and spots of the like are good because it allows the comfort as well as creates good conversations. Nice walk in the park will give you the chance to really get to know one another in a nice serene setting, a museum is good learning for both parties and again can spark good conversation. Movies is a good spot for dates but maybe not the first one because yeah it’s public but it’s kind of cliche and you want to stand out and make an impression and also it doesn’t create much room for conversation as you are quiet for 2 hours. So save the movies for later dates should you make it that far.

Next….FOOD…..now she might be a shy one and front on the eats but providing good eats is important. Also be sure to inquire about allergies and things like that, it’s a little thing but says a lot about you and your concern for HER. Before your date take a drive through your downtown area or anywhere where there are a nice selection of eateries and pick a nice spot. Not the usual suspects (chain restaurants) unless she has indicated a desire to hit one up, try something different and NO FAST FOOD, that’s tacky. Keep in mind she probably ain’t gonna go hard on the eating on the first date so buffets and things like that are out, they shouldn’t be considered on a first date anyway but you’d be surprised. If she likes Chinese/Japanese etc maybe a nice hibachi or sushi spot, if she likes Italian maybe a small family owned pizza place and have them do something smooth like put a little candle or something at your table for ambience. Ice cream is always a go too cause everyone loves ice cream, but again try something different, maybe the spot where they have the rolled up ice cream.

Another good suggestion is like a class date, like one of those joints where you can go paint, make some pottery or something like that. I actually want to take my wife to something like that one of these days cause I just think they are dope.

Some things to avoid on a first date would be bars. You don’t want to give that impression like you are trying to get her drunk or loose, she should be on her game 100% all night and you shouldn’t want it any other way. Plus bars are loud and just not a good ambience for a date and trying to get to further know someone. Also and this one is VERY important, under no circumstances do you mention your place as a date, that’s not a date and even if you aren’t trying to…it implies you just want to smash and that’s not what we as men are doing out here in the year 2017. It removes her safety, puts her in a compromising position and you never want to do that. Also DO NOT take her to meet your family or friends are a first date, it’s too soon for that and she has enough anxiety trying to find out more about you, she doesn’t need to now have to meet your grandmother that thinks every women is a skeezer (a la Momma Payne, Martin’s mom).

So what have we learned today my brother, get to know HER and HER likes/dislikes, comfort…food…conversation…open places…and being different are the routes you probably want to explore on a first date. And all of this needs to be done around HER, so this is where advice I’ve given y’all before comes in to play. Pay attention to her when she talks, listen to her when she is speaking because a woman will ALWAYS give you the blueprint, you just have to take the right notes. Make this first date special, give her plenty to think about as she lays in her bed that night after it’s all over. Have her looking forward to your next date, surprise her, show her all men are not the same and won’t just be the same run of the mill movie and dinner date. You want to show her that you are different?…then be different, stand out, have her say things like “wow nobody has ever taken me anywhere like this before” or “most guys just do the same old stuff but you’ve shown me something different”. And never EVER forget to be a gentleman on this date and ALL dates. Open car doors and walk around the FRONT of the car before you get in, never the back because she can’t see you and you don’t want to cause apprehension, fear etc her comfort is paramount. Walk on the right side of the street, let her order first, ask her about HER and don’t even fix your face to say the word dutch. Follow many of these tips and you can and WILL create the perfect date for this young lady, I got faith in you lil bro!!!

“I Have A Low Sex Drive, Will My Partner Cheat On Me?”

Was asked a question this morn…”I have a low sex drive, do you think my partner is cheating on me?”…and I gave the question in this form as to not isolate to gender or preference because these things happen to everyone whom is intimate. 1st things first, there is not enough info to properly answer as it was vague in scope but, I will say that this is a very delicate topic & you want to believe the partner is understanding of that but everyone is different and the best advice I can offer is just keep communication lines open, don’t either of you shut down because resentment, fear, lack of understanding and empathy can be the downfall here.

Intimacy isn’t just physical and that’s something I want everyone to grasp here, so the lack of it can be damaging and hurtful to someone that doesn’t understand or relate. Maybe the one in need is seeking that intimate connection and it’s not being fulfilled and that can create doubt in one’s mind. But to the question, are they cheating, well I don’t know and again you want to have faith that they haven’t, wouldn’t or don’t. It’s not a cause or justification but the fact that you are concerned may mean you see signs or you are just paranoid due to changes in your relationship with your partner.

The 2 of you must communicate your sides and points of view in this because that’s very important to the success of your situation. Find out what they need from you and what you need from them be it understanding or methods and means to help increase the drive. You must work as a team with this and I’m not guaranteeing victory by doing this but it’s much better than the alternative of not. So sit and talk about it, it’s tons of information online that can help but don’t just let it go untouched. Your partner may not even know the WHY in regards to your low drive and a good talk may aid in the understanding and a shift in their attitude and possible need for it as much.

Hope this helps some and I know it didn’t answer the question directly but again that’s not something I would know off hand just off the information provided, best of luck.

Back To Life…Back To Reality (Sigh) 

Very bittersweet Sunday today as its my last day off of work officially as part of my long vacation (haven’t been at work since June 22nd). I have thoroughly enjoyed being off for this time as it was much needed for my recharging but now it’s back to the grind, back to the normal hustle & bustle of everyday life. Hadn’t taken a vacation of any kind since 2015 so this past one was much needed and appreciated by my mind body and soul. 

When you go on vacation everything seems better…food, sounds, weather…and then you come home and it’s back to the same ol same.  Lucky for me I will starting a new job in 2 weeks, well not a new job but a new position within my current employer. I’ll be going on a detail assignment for a few months to our downtown office for some new experience (and a nice little 💰) and putting my name out there a bit more, this time with headquarters so hopefully it will all go well cause I’m wild nervous about it all. Mainly just nervous because I want to do a great job and show them that I am a good employee as well as represent the area I’m coming from properly. Guess it was a good thing I trusted in myself and turned down that other detail assignment they offered me last month to manage because if I did that one then I wouldn’t have been able to do this and this one is one that I truly want. Just wild that I turned down that one and told them that I didn’t want to do it because I didn’t want to mess up my chances of something else coming up and then just a week or 2 later, something else came up. That’s why you have to be patient and not just jump at any and everything, even money opportunities because sometimes something better and more applicable to YOU may be on the horizon. 

If I can offer one bit of advice to everyone it would be to be sure that you take vacations, at least once a year, that’s my new thing. I’m going to stop going so long between them because I see how valuable they can be for me. Your everyday life can burn you out, drain you, so you need to take a vacation…get out somewhere, be away from what you are used to on the daily and get your mind back right. 

So as I lay here in bed at noon on this Sunday and think about the irritating sound of my alarm clock in the morning I guess I can be happy in the fact that I was able to take a vacation and a long one, I was able to spend some great quality time with my family in Baltimore and then chill with one of my best friends and his family on the cruise (they are also considered family as well). Also was able to come back home and kick back and relax all week in the comfort of my own home cause you know many times we need a vacation FROM or right after our vacation lol. So the time off was a success just went too fast and now I have to get ready for the next leg of life…but I can handle it (tries to day that without having a sad face) ✌🏽 

Be Friends…? 

So a question was posed yesterday and it asked if as a heterosexual man would I have a problem with having a homosexual friend also if I found out a friend was homosexual would it change our friendship? 

Well let me start this with a resounding, NO…to both questions. Someone’s sexuality or preference will never have an effect on my friendship with said individual. What they do or choose to do in their bedroom is their business and doesn’t dictate who that person is to me. I look at people in a very simplistic view, either you are a good person or a bad one. Of course there is race and things of the sort to consider but I generally use that as my determining factor for my friends and whom I allow in my circle. 

Next if I had a friend come out the closet to me I would NEVER stop being their friend, not even a little, shoot it actually happened a few years back and at no point did I ever think “well he can’t be my peoples anymore”. If anything I was extremely proud of my boy and I continue to be. I was proud in the fact that he accepted who he is and decided it was time for the world to know because I’m sure for him and many it’s an extreme burden to live with. To be worried about how those close to you will feel, how you may be treated etc but from me it was and will NEVER be am issue, he’s one of many folks that I consider a great friend and value his as that. I also had a close family member do the same a long time ago and she was scared to tell me for fear of my judgement etc and I didn’t give a damn because all I care about for those I care about and love is their personal happiness and if that’s where it lies then they always have my undying support.

I don’t change on those I love and care for, those that I let into my circle stay there for life unless THEY themselves decide not to be. Nothing will ever change in any relationship/friendship I have with anyone due to their personal sexual choices nor will I not be friends with someone because of it. This world is full of beautiful individuals and I am not going to limit myself from knowing such great souls just because they may do things a little different than I might. 

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New Snack Alert (Swedish Fish Jellybeans) 

Wife copped some new snack heat, you know since she is the Snack Queen (and I the King) of finding new snack talent and I want to share it with the streets. Today’s joints are these Swedish Fish jellybeans which she copped on post Easter clearance because well…genius. And when I share these things they may not be new to y’all but they are to me or us so we just letting the world know. Haven’t tried em yet but just letting you know it’s a thing….1

(The Jolly Rancher bunnies aren’t new but they jumped in the picture, no pun intended) 

UPDATE: I have just tried the Swedish Fish jellybeans, not bad, taste just like the fish just in jellybean form, definitely worth a try if you like the regular candy. 

Stop & Smell Your Roses

So I was outside this morning because I had to do a little detail work on the inside of the car so I was in the process of getting ready to pull my car into the garage and then I spotted my neighbor, who is also my lawn guy,  across the street and I had to run over and pay him for landscaping the yard yesterday. Then that chance encounter turned into us talking about him cooking this 11 pound slab of pork for one of our other neighbors down the block. Let me say this piece of meat looked amazing and he will be smoking it all day and probably inspired me to pull my grill out later lol. We talked about his kids getting ready to graduate (1 in college and 1 in high school) and then one of our other neighbors was driving by, seen us inside chopping it up and he stopped to join in. Convo was great, lasted about a good half hour to 45 mins and then we broke out. 

I proceeded to go into the garage and detail the inside of the car all while waving as other people from the our neighborhood jogged or drove by. Then my wife and 2 daughters were heading out to shop so they came to the garage at varying moments before they left to see what I was doing and then they broke out. 

After all that my son and I went in the backyard because I needed to clean the vacuum cleaner parts which I do with my power washer and then that turned into me power washing the back of the house (not the whole thing just a few spots, I’ll do the whole thing when I get more cleaning solution for the washer) and me showing him how to do it, what I was doing etc.

While doing this my next door neighbor came by and he and I chopped it up for about 20 minutes or so about vacations, taco nights, his cholesterol and racing (which he does) and then he went to cut his grass and my son and I came back in the house to chill, well now we are about to hit a nice little workout. 

Okay so I’m sure you are asking well where this is all going, well it was that in each of these moments I found varying levels of joy. The main thing and the biggest part of that joy though is in me having my own home. Now while we are just renting until we find EXACTLY what we want, this is still for the time being, OUR HOME, and that means so very much to me. My son and I were talking last night and I was speaking to him about growing up in New Jersey and never actually living in a home of my own. Sure I lived with my grandfather for a bit as a kid, lived with my Uncle Pook & Aunt Aldith for a little while, even with my Uncle William for a brief spell in my early 20’s but never my OWN house and now I have that. 

As I type this I’m sitting in my backyard, listening to the sounds of birds, hearing people cutting their grass, looking up into the blue sky and seeing planes go by and it just brings an extreme level of joy to my soul because I’ve ALWAYS wanted this, always wanted this life, this moment. I used to be so envious of kids that had homes and not apartments, that had yards to play in and not have to always go to the park or someone else’s house to play because all you had was a parking lot or busy Plainfield street. I used to have dreams of what it would be like to wake up and just walk in my backyard and play with my GI Joes and Transformers and now I don’t have to dream anymore, even though I don’t have my toys any longer lol

 To be able to talk to my neighbors on a Saturday morning, to have a garage to detail my car in, to be in my backyard with my lil man and showing him some stuff, this is more than I could have ever imagined or asked for. I’m so very thankful to have every bit of what I have and this is me just taking the time out to reflect and show that appreciation. A lot of times in life we worry about all those things we DON’T have, or CAN’T get and we don’t just stop for a second and smell the roses that are planted right in front of us, well this is my moment to stop and smell my roses…thanks for listening, 1

I’m Disappointed Yet Hopeful

Varying emotions today of disappointment in my gender as well as pride in it as in 3 different instances I had to be there for a few ladies that I care about. The ins and outs of why aren’t for public consumption but what is is my let down feeling of many of our young men and especially our older ones. Many men are failing AS MEN because they aren’t doing one of the most important jobs and that’s raising these young men to be respectful and treat women the proper ways. Everyone must do a better job to raise these young men with the right values and core principles in regards to the treatment of our women…they are not objects, possessions, beneath us etc we as fathers, uncles, mentors, friends, OG’s and such have to get these youngn’s in the right path. 
On the flip side of that throughout the course of my day I met 2 young men, high school students, and listen when I tell you for every bit of disappointment I feel towards many, guys like these 2 do nothing but reassure me that all is not lost. One of them reminded me of myself and the other showed me in just one initial interaction how together I WISH I was at that age. Sturdy handshakes by them both, eye contact, respect, and most importantly the concern they show towards women was fantastic. See I look at little things, I watch people VERY closely and these 2 have been shown the right way. Having 2 daughters, sisters, a niece, great-niece, cousins, my friend’s daughters and all that I get so scared for them all and what they will have to deal with and I pray to the sky that they find guys like the last 2 that I spoke about, guys like my best friends, baby brothers, many of the stand up guys I was raised with. All in all let’s do better to make more men like the last 2 and not the weak types from the earlier portion, thanks for listening and thanks to the many of you that are raising these young boys right.