As I’ve taken a small break from everything social media related to start 2022, I’ve come to the realization that I need to write, well start writing again.
Writing has always been very therapeutic for me. I used to do it a lot when I was younger, from writing short stories to poetry. Now I didn’t always allow outside eyes to view these pieces because many times it was just me needing to express myself and get my thoughts and feelings out, not present them for public consumption.
I wasn’t always in the best of places mentally and that’s not to say I didn’t have a good childhood or teenage years, because I did, but there were elements of life that I had to deal with in which I knew if I just bottled things up it wouldn’t be a good look. So writing and drawing became my outlets, my ways to get things out. It helped me deal with loneliness, pain, heartache/heartbreak. It helped me deal with watching my mother go through the rigors of life from raising me as a single parent to her dealings with men and the stress that placed on our household because they weren’t always well, the best type of men. It helped me deal with my relationship with my father and the strain that life placed on it with him being in and out of not only prison/jail but also my life. So I used pencils as my expression, as my escape, as my comfort and I feel like I need to return to that.
I’ve tried to be the “make new video content for my YouTube channel” guy but that’s tough for me because I can hit a groove and make a good amount of content and then just as fast, not be inspired to do it. I did a radio show (wasn’t called a podcast then) with one of my brothers from another but we had to fall back on that because of life situations and I’ve wanted to get back into it but I just don’t know that I can stick with it without the structure he and I had before. I planned and still do plan on doing one with one of my best friends but it’s just hard for me to mentally hit the ground running and get things going. But with writing, I never really have that issue because it’s like once I start, it’s an addiction and I can’t stop, I just want to write more and more. I know we have a microwave society now and everyone wants and needs things quick, so sitting down to read an article or blog, isn’t necessarily in the average person’s plans on the daily but I truly need to get back to doing it. I need to do it not for others but for myself, to help me stay balanced and level. So clicks, views, page hits etc. don’t even matter to me, never did honestly, so it would mainly just be about me again…getting these thoughts, ideas and things out.
2022 has begun with some headaches, from issues at the house with our septic tank and having to deal with people constantly trying to fix it and still not getting it right to a situation at work where an assignment I completed was being looked into, not in a lose my job kind of way but rather just an inquiry and I hate it because I always try to do what’s right and I never want my peers or superiors to think otherwise about me or my work. Also have had some family things from one of my sisters and her health, to my baby brother thought to be missing one day as well as a situation my father almost got into with some blood dudes up in Jersey, my father-in-law recently being hospitalized for a brief minute, so it’s been a lot. I tend to take on the energy of others, so when I’m invited into these moments, it becomes part of my daily too and I know my people don’t intend for that to happen but that’s just how it is for me…thus again, the whole “Neo” moniker (I used words like moniker because I’m a writer as my brother Alain would say lol).
So in all of this I realize, I probably need to get back to my thing and that’s writing more and expressing myself through the pencil/pen or in this case, the keyboard. I tend to isolate when I am dealing with things, as to not burden others, and I don’t always forewarn about my hiatus either so in that I apologize to anyone that’s been concerned about me. I’m good, just needed some “me” time as they say, plus I have been working on a few very time consuming things at work so that’s been keeping me super busy. If you know me well, you know when I’m locked in…I’m all the way in especially when it comes to my work. But I plan on writing more and I hope that some folks find the time to read my pieces, I hope you enjoy them and even if it’s a situation where I’m just writing on some journal type shit, then that’s just what it’s gonna be.
✌🏾 + ❤️
Neo
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